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Sassy Gay Apologies: A Querying Disaster
So I wrote a book (think Eat, Pray, Love except less international and more riddled with penis references) and lately I’ve been doing this thing that writers have to do in order to get books published,...
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Self-Love and Regression (and Football)
Ever since I started dating again, I’ve been a little boy-crazy. This kind of makes me feel like a total F.A.B. (that’s fake ass bitch, for those of you who don’t speak in abbrevi-gay-tions), because I...
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Let’s Talk About Gratitude
The other day I had the privilege of sitting in on an intimate luncheon event at MTV for Hispanic Heritage Month, which featured an interactive chat with the network’s resident chica Melanie Iglesias,...
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Commuter Chaos on the Metro-North Akin to the Titanic (Or Not)
Because I live in the Northeast and therefore operate under the assumption that the world revolves around the tiny little bubble that is the tri-state area, I’d like to go ahead and assume you are...
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I’m Becoming Rational and It Feels Weird (but Good-Weird?)
Last month I met up with my very talented writer buddy Steven to talk about our querying woes. In the middle of the cheesecake portion of our meeting (because with me, there’s always a cheesecake...
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Two Dramatic Blood-Drawing Incidents… and a Funeral
It all started last week when my doctor ordered me to go to a lab to get some blood samples taken so she could test me for “EVERYTHING EVER, PLEASE” (my words, obviously). After failing to get the job...
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I Really Shouldn’t Be Allowed to Participate in Halloween (So I’m Not)
The last time I dressed up for Halloween, it was 2010 and I had just moved to New York City to pursue my master’s at NYU. I was skinny, naïve, unprepared for city life, and in a ridiculously unhealthy...
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I Ingested Windex and Lived to Blog About It
So, the other night I found myself in a familiar position: Windex-ing my bathroom mirror while getting ready for a date. (Note: This was not because I planned on having the guy over to my place – we...
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New Name, No Shame
I’ve been meaning to keychange the name of this site for a while, but I could never really think of anything I loved enough to commit to that also wasn’t egregiously corny. And so here’s a conversation...
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I Accidentally Made Out with a Closeted Married Man, and Now I’m a Hot Mess
First and foremost, I feel the need to assure you that the events I’m about to recount actually took place. Like, in real life. Which you’ll soon realize is insane because one) I have already written...
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Three Things I’ve Decided About the Search for Love
I recently came across a half-serious/half-bitchy article on Esquire‘s blog that addressed the myriad ways in which my soul sister, Carrie Bradshaw of Sex and the City, has allegedly corrupted the...
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I Had Strep and then Got Touched Inappropriately by a Large Bear, Kind Of
On the Sunday before the Sunday before Christmas (are you with me?), after a long day of football-watching and beer-drinking, I passed out at ten at night. Then I woke up at one in the morning and...
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Recent Conversations I’ve Had About the BEYONCÉ Visual Album
With my writing pal Steven: Nic: Dude. I have listened to nothing else for weeks. I stayed home today because of the snow and ended up just sitting on my couch watching the videos in sequential order....
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This is What Happens When I Best Man a Wedding
Yes, I just used “Best Man” as a verb in the title of this post. It’s a thing now, and you’re welcome. So. After throwing an epic three-night, thirteen-man bachelor party at a rented house in Vermont...
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Tell Me Again Why We’re All So Competitive?
My daily morning journey typically consists of the following three checkpoints: Gym, train station, work. (Think GTL but with less sunburn risk and more general real-world bleakness.) My gym (which is...
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A Brief History of My Cosmic Connection with Mariah Carey
1993: I am five years old and watching TV unsupervised when I happen upon the music video for “Dreamlover.” Who is this perfect woman? I ask myself. I spend the remainder of the year emulating the...
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I Was Home During a Psycho Intruder’s Break-In Attempt, and I Survived
I recently spent a week reading Augusten Burroughs’ classic memoir Dry, which, in a nutshell, is a humorous yet very dark account of his experience recovering from alcoholism in NYC. (Side note: After...
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True Life: I Use Healthy Substitutions to Rationalize My Binge Eating
Actual conversation that recently occurred between myself and two dude friends at a bar: Dude 1: What did you guys do yesterday? Dude 2: Well, I texted Nic at seven and he was like, “Uhh. I just ate an...
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The Definitive Rule for Using Exclamation Points in Work E-mails
We can all tell from the name of this blog that I love a good exclamation point. I mean, they’re fun. They evoke a sense of, like, “Yeah! Life is good!” Or at the very least, a sense of “I’m perky and...
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My Gym Playlist Indicates That I Might Be Into Hardcore, Kinky Sex (Which, Am...
The other morning I was working out intensely at the gym while listening to Beyoncé’s limousine-blowjob song “Partition” at full-blast on my headphones and envisioning myself as the male lead in my own...
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